Something what, you ask? Something bad, something icky, something to worry and obsess and nitpick over.
I’m not sure how other peoples’ body insecurities manifest, but me? I tend to pick one annoying detail and obsess over it. To no end. A few months ago it was my stomach, I was absolutely I was getting a poochy stomach and was terribly upset by it. Then it was the red bump on my nose piercing (face problems are the worst – I constantly thought people were staring at it while talking to me), then I had a short period of maybe two weeks where I didn’t hear that niggling voice in my head. And what’s really messed up is that I honestly consider myself someone with a minimum of body issues! Since I’m happy with my body overall, I generally feel pretty confident about it – except for that one thing, whatever it may be.
So, two weeks or so ago, I’m sitting on the floor playing with Wesley, sans pants (as I’m wont to do when home and not going out again for the day…we all have our quirks, ok?) and I notice something odd on my thigh. I contort myself to the point where I can see it, and I happen to have a relatively large series of stretch marks on my inner thigh. I immediately start freaking out about it, and wail to Matt, who attempts to calm me down by saying he’s never noticed them – this doesn’t help much, as they’re still there! In the midst of my overdramatic wailing, I cried “I’ve got ugly disgusting stretch marks on my legs!”.
And this is when Matt says, “Michelle. How are they disgusting? They’re not festering, or unhealthy, or covered in germs or dirt. They’re just marks on your skin. Calm down, babe.”
Which actually struck a chord and made me stop and think for a second. After I calmed down, I realized that the very first thing I’d thought when I saw the stretch marks was “Well. I have to take sailor shorts off my wishlist now, dammit!”. All summer (yes – I know it’s August, but I hear it won’t cool down here until October!) I’ve been desperately trying in vain to find a pair of sailor-style shorts, and I’ve found a few close pairs, but nothing perfect. I’ve been searching after these shorts for two months at least and I was ready to give up on wearing them, even though I have at least two outfits planned around sailor shorts floating in my head, because of a set of stretch marks. That I hadn’t noticed until I was in a yoga-esque position without pants on, and Matt hadn’t ever noticed either (and not to be lascivious or anything, but he would be in a position to notice if anyone would!). How silly is that?!
I would never tell anyone else to do that, proving yet again that we’re our own worst critics. Friends, there will always be something to nitpick at if you wanted to! And once the habit is built of nitpicking, it is a really hard cycle to break. So no more! I will now be trying my hardest to not single out any one feature, not stretch marks or zits or poochy stomach – if I can fix it, I’ll try my best, and if I can’t, I’ll ignore it and move on. I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to stick to this goal, at least at first – but I don’t think it’s too lofty of one, and it’s definitely a healthy goal. Next time you catch yourself criticising something, or thinking “Oh I can’t wear that because of this” – think to yourself: Would I say that to a friend who was worried about the same thing? Within reason, you’ll find the answer is usually no. Exceptions are possible. One that springs to mind is a busty lady going braless and fancy free while wearing a tube top, as that usually doesn’t end well and I speak from experience. But that’s within reasonable concerns (“I don’t want to have a wardrobe malfunction”) as opposed to body image issues (“These shorts expose my pasty legs”); and so a different barrel of monkeys.
Have you ever had a body image issue that kept you from wanting to wear certain items? How’d you overcome it?
