My (pagan) path

This sort of fits into the pagan paths series, anyways. Obviously, I won’t be doing an interview with  myself. That would just be…well…weird.

The point of this post: I thought it would do to let you all know that I no longer identify as heathen, but rather, a witch. The switch might seem rather arbitrary to some, as I still do a lot of research, still work with mostly the same set of gods (though now I don’t feel a need to limit myself; if someOne outside of that group comes a’knocking I won’t have to figure out what to do), and still do a lot of the same practices.

So you might say, if it’s just a label change, why change it at all?

The thing with labels is that if you are actively calling yourself something, you get invested in that something. Even if it’s just on a subconscious level, dissonance can be created if you’re calling yourself something and then not living up to others’ images of it – and this is what was happening with me. Obviously heathenism works for a great many people, but for several different reasons, my personal path, beliefs, and spirituality just don’t really line up very well with mainstream American heathenry.

One of the biggest problems was magic; magic has always been deeply ingrained into my spiritual practice, probably due to its nature centeredness. Not all magic involves working with nature, but all of nature is magic, as far as I’m concerned. So the fact that magic is looked down upon, not spoken of, or considered something “secondary” (or all of the above) in most of (mainstream American) heathenism should have been a massive tip-off; but it wasn’t. Aligning myself with that community meant that I, intentionally or not, squashed a lot of the magic out of my life and that simply won’t do for my spiritual survival. I cannot separate my spiritual life into “magic” and “not magic”, it pains me to try, and I’m incredibly relieved not to have to any more.

(For that matter, the fact that my path is centered on nature should have been a tip off – most people in the heathen/Asatru community are very adamant about it being community centered, not nature centered.)

Anyways, the last few weeks, my beliefs and my path have been stripped down to the basics – polytheism, nature, my deities, ancestor veneration – and I’m building back up from there. It sounds like it’s a painful process and it has been at times, but there’s also kind of a fierce joy in knocking down walls that you built for no reason and that were previously holding you back.

It’s bizarre how we get; I feel this need to try and justify this to everyone, to show that I’m not a flake, I have good reasons for changing my label and my path, but really? It’s not anyone’s freakin’ business. The idea that I should stay the same and stagnate for others’ sake is ridiculous and I won’t entertain it any more; people change, paths change, all I can do is keep up.

So, for now, the only label I’m really comfortable with is “witch”. Which isn’t necessarily a religious label, I know, but it’s about the only thing that fits – the longer version would be a polytheist nature and ancestor venerating witch, I guess. I acknowledge that the label of “pagan” applies t me, but I don’t actively identify as such – “pagan” is mostly a word I use because people know what it means, not because I take any kind of pride or joy in calling myself that. Not that there’s anything wrong with the word, it just doesn’t sing to me. “Witch” is entirely different, it does sing to me, and it always has, even if I tried to deny it.

I’m reading some on Feri witchcraft (just bought Evolutionary Witchcraft the other day at Half Price Books, matter of fact), a lot of traditional witchcraft/cunning craft information, and of course the usual folklore and fairy tales. I’ll probably be joining the AODA sometime soon even though I don’t really identify as a druid; I have a few friends who are going through their first year there and it sounds like the structure is something I could use and tweak and build upon. I’m re-building my devotional and meditation practice, as well as spending a lot of time re-affirming the fact that what works for me works for me, it doesn’t have to work for anyone else, and vice versa, and that is a-okay. I’m also planning some sort of witchy dedication on Samhain.

Anyways, I thought it would be good to update y’all so you didn’t wonder at the sudden change of labels.

And the takeaway for you: be very very careful what labels you assign yourself, positive or negative – take a good hard look about how they’re affecting you and your actions, even if you don’t think they are at all.