One of the downsides of being totally awesome is that you’ll eventually be bombarded by requests for help. If you’re a writer, you’ll get people wanting you to either write for them, or wanting you to critique their writing. Craftspeople, artisans, and artists of all sorts get people wanting freebies. If you’re seen as knowledgeable or the “go-to” person for any subject at all, you’ll get emails with pleas for assistance.
Where’s the line? How do you keep from giving so much of yourself that there’s nothing left, without being stingy?
Next time someone comes to you with a request, run through these questions:
- What’s the context? Are you in a group together? Know each other? Been chatting? Random stranger? Context is everything. There is a big difference between, say, showing a rough draft of a blog post to a group of blogging friends who all regularly give each other feedback, and a stranger emailing you a 10,000 word document asking for editing advice. If the person asking is someone you know & have a relationship with, and the relationship so far has been a fairly equal give & take, then helping them is a good idea. If it’s a presumptuous stranger, you might be better off respectfully declining (or replying and saying, “I’d be happy to edit your project – my rates start at…”).
- How much time and emotional labor is involved? Something that’s high on both of these scales could very well leave you feeling drained and exhausted. Something that requires some time but not much emotional labor, or emotional labor but not much time, is a lot easier to give & will leave you much less wiped out.
- Why? What’s in it for you? Helping out a friend or being nice to someone you don’t know is fine and has its own rewards. That is, as long as you’re clear on that’s why you’re doing it and you’re not expecting some sort of compensation somewhere down the line, other than the normal give & take of a healthy relationship. If someone comes to you for help constantly but doesn’t ever give back, it might be time to start asking yourself what exactly you’re getting out of the relationship, especially if it’s frustrating you. Once you’re clear on what the relationship is (say, a prospective client vs. a mentoring relationship), you can figure out where to go & what the appropriate action is.
When in doubt, check out the “Should I work for free?” flowchart. Wisdom abounds.
How do you keep from getting walked over?
